What Not to say to someone you know, or suspect is struggling with infertility #1

by Super User
in Blog
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“Don’t Worry. It’ll Happen Eventually!”

By Kelsey. T. Chun MFT

Earlier in our struggle to conceive, I ventured to share the pain of this experience with a friend. She smiled and reminded me of the afore mentioned statistic, that it takes most couples at least three months to conceive. Like many women attempting to get pregnant, I was already aware of this fact, but it didn’t lessen the emotional turmoil I experienced each cycle. While I know this friend only had the best of intentions, it made me feel like my pain wasn’t “enough”—like I shouldn’t be upset because we hadn’t been trying to conceive for long “enough.”

Unfortunately, the hard truth is that no one knows that conceiving a child will happen eventually. Yes, for most people it is likely to happen eventually. Yes, for most people it does take some time. But, sadly, it doesn’t happen for everyone. Comments such as these also unintentionally invalidate the experience of the specific person in front of you. Responding with a statistic or a promise you can’t guarantee can make your friend feel unseen, unheard, and possibly even that another person “doesn’t get it.”

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